Macabre Moments

I don’t know where you are; I know that much. I don’t know if you know what we know.

I hope you do and I hope you don’t.

I don’t know what your last thought was, or if you even had one. What did you feel at the end? Did you have a chance to feel one last time? Were you scared? As your big brother, I would like to know.

Why? I know I would have been at your side, if nothing were to stop what came, I know I wouldn’t have left your side. Ever. Please know that.

But, I don’t know. I would like to know, but knowing is something I know I’ll never know.

I want to know how it’s possible for you to be here and gone all within a moment. Where did you go?

Into the unknown.

I know that.

And the unknown is—I don’t know what it is.

That much is known.

How are you—how have you been? I’ve been dying to know.

Please, let me know. Let us know.

Please.

Since you were taken, I don’t know what to make of this life.

Because all my life, all I’ve ever known is you, Manuel, Sofia, Cubby, and Migz. I know I have never had to walk through life alone because of them—because of you. I hope you knew that.

Of course you did, I know that. I felt it. We all felt—still feel the love that holds us together.

That isn’t unknown.

How are you—how have you been? I’ve been dying to know.

Please, let me know.

Please.

Know that I never [will] stop thinking of you and everything you brought into our worlds. Know that we love you. Know that everything we feel stems from love. Know that, even though we’ll always have this pain—

—we’ll be “okay.”

I just don’t know when.